Bang! Start

So its approaching four years since my attempt to escape this world. I think at the time hospitalization was an option but that’s not an option that was ever probable to me. Despite my pure mistrust of this broken system to take care of my mental health, I also just knew things like that were very expensive and gave me more anxiety than comfort. There’d be too much pain for me to heal. At that time, I was able to rely on my partners for stability. This does make me a privileged individual. I am truly grateful. This meant that I could spend my time, unfolding and reestablishing the fiber of my being. The trauma, the healing, the understanding, and the devotion I found in order to tap into a more whole and true part of myself. Things aren’t perfect though. Please understand I’m skipping a lot. I do see a therapist on and off. There’s no real way to wrap up four years. Healing isn’t linear but it is possible.

This season of grief has touched everyone in some way. When it hit me- I have become restless. Perhaps it's the ancestors telling me it is the time of movement. 2020 became a year of conception and gestation. 2021 is initiation, spark, the start.

I won’t make big promises but It's my start and I’m not standing in my way anymore. No matter how basic I might think my start is. I am going to do it.

Ashe.